lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
