I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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