We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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