My friends, they love my intelligence
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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