dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
