its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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