My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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