You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Holy shit dude........stairs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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