he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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