I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize