We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
