I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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