ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize