Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
