pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
