i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone came in the potted fern
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
