Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
