As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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