i think my mom watched the whole time
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
