If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize