ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
