you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
