Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
