Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
