I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Say something about gay babies.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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