Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
