I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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