I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
