I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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