this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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