I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
