this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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