Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
