he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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