And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
