ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
