I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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