and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
