I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
