I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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