How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
