I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
