and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
