I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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