I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't deserve a penis
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
