Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize