Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is an emotional support booty call
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
