i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
