True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
