yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
