You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
