Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
