Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize