im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
