Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
