I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
