it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
