I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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