It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
