The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
