I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize