I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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