i think my tv is drunk
i just google imaged poop.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
