I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
