he wants to bone in the snuggie
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my poor anus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
