Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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