Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
