Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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