i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
