I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
