youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
