In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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