This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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