I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's the barista slut.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
