You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
