I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
