I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
