I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
