I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
