I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize