Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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