We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
