I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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