I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
