I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
