i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
