Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
