tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
