It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
