I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
