I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
