Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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