What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she told me i tasted like america
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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