she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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