This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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