Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
