i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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