I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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