The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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