Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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